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Entries for May, 2005May 1st, 2005
because.scribbled at 10:43 PM
i guess it's true. when you really love someone, you'd give up EVERYTHING for that person. whatever it takes to make them happy.
sighs.
am really not in a blogging mood. because: flo is in town! and because.
I'm feeling: down the drain.
My Craving:
May 3rd, 2005
two years and counting...*beams*scribbled at 10:32 PM
ok ok. so i really don't call Pau sugarplum. hehehe. i call him....the truth is, i call him lotsa names.  but Baby and Be stand out.  so what did we do on our 2nd anniversary? hmmm...nothing beyond what other people would call "typical" but sabi ko nga kay Pau, it's how we feel that makes the day special. we did not go out on a date. we just bummed around his crib then drove around wit his chappy, dropped at Mac's crib, talked to Tita Debby (finally!), drove wit Mac then drove around some more then went back at Pau's crib then ate dinner.  but wit all honesty, it was special. at least for us. screw the world! hahaha. happy happy happy.
hmmm...i realized while Pau and i were driving around that it's sooo nice to be a kid. and no, it's not because i've watched Spongebob the movie one too many times. i really think it's nice to be a kid. you know, to anticipate and really enjoy the summer; to laugh genuinely; to say sorry and mean it; to live witout pretentions; to love unconditionally; to look up to our parents like they are some divine beings; to be pure and innocent. reminds me of the book, "All I Really Need To Know I Learned in Kindergarten". so my wish for tonight, i hope we'd be kids all over again. hehehe. wouldn't that be grand?
I'm feeling: in bliss =P
My Craving:
May 4th, 2005
kid at heartscribbled at 08:26 PM
my mom just called and i found myself asking her to buy me Archie Comics. yeah i know, so 90's and so childish. but i dunno, am kinda liking it again. here's how my convo wit mom went:
me: ma, san ka?
mom: sa rob, why?
me: bili mo naman ako archie comics. thanks.
mom: *laughs*
me: bakit mo ko tinatawanan?
mom: bumabalik ka kasi sa pagkabata...
me: ehhh...sige na ha?
mom: ok hahanapan kita.
weee! so i can't sit still now. excited na ko dumating si mommy.
I'm watching: Amazing Race 7
I'm feeling: excited
My Craving:
May 5th, 2005
confessions of a shopaholicscribbled at 12:24 PM
i seriously wanna go shopping. i used to shop twice or thrice a week. but am sooo flat broke and jobless now. and since Pau and i vowed to save money, i think am not going shopping anytime soon. so if you're reading this and you're like a fairy or something, can you please grant me one of these *winks*:
havaianas flip-flops (a girl can't have enough )
a&f & hollister tees
*hollister flip-flops
*manolo blahnik pumps (i swear to God i'll sing, dance & act for them!)
*skirt, baby tees and coat from mango (the coat's for the rainy days of coursie)
*tote bag from mango
mango purse
hand bag from nine west
*white capri from guess
guess baby tees (lovin' their prints)
LV purse
*coach hand bag
mini skirtsss
rina albert's notepads & notebooks
boooksss...boooksss...boooksss...
archie comics
i already have those witout asterisk before them, am just sooo greedy i want more of 'em those wit asterisk, i still don't so give them to me puhlease...controlling forces of the universe hear my plea.
did i hear someone say e-bay? sighs. SHOPPING. what a nice word. i seriously need my dad. hehehehe.
I'm feeling: frustrated
My Craving:
PG-13scribbled at 07:33 PM
My life is rated PG-13.
What is your life rated?
I'm feeling: blah
My Craving:
May 6th, 2005
Go go Onslaught!scribbled at 10:01 AM
Good morning world! Wow this early and am already all perked up. Let's go get the ball rolling! actually, there are two truths behind my being an early bird today. One is because i need to go to La Salle to pass some requirements for grad school. see, if i can't land on a good job id enjoy, there's always school! but seriously, i wanna pursue my education. i like learning new stuffs and i think it's cool to be smart. college is okay but grad school is waaay better! but before i turn myself into my mom's clone (i seriously hate it when i talk like that...makes me feel...old! hehehe), ima spill the second and last reason why unlike the previous weeks and months, i have a morning today. well, today just happens to be the one fateful day of PRO's RPC finals. it's all about Ragnarok people. But it is actually a big deal because it's nationwide. and Pau, Mac, Rich and other Onslaught members will be playing for the Loki server (geez. now i know i lost you). anyhoo...being the supportive girlfriend and friend that i am *winks* i find it necessary for me to be there, cheering them on! after all, am their number one rah rah girl ever since high school. the game starts 6 pm but am sooo excited i could not sleep. hehe. seriously. haven't felt like this since a year ago. so gawd am just ohhh sooo giddy now! yes i know am childish. bleah. screw you! hahaha.
anyways please cross your fingers for me. am really rooting for Onslaught (that's Pau's guild/team name) to win. because if not (may God forbid), Rich would forever taunt me and call me a jinx. so please controlling forces of the universe, let them win this time. the look on Pau's when they win would surely be priceless. and there's nothing else in the world i want more than that.
Go go Onslaught! May the force be wit you. Big hugsss!
OT: i forgot to include this on the shopping list i wrote down yesterday - MAC face powder. ubos na ubos na kasi yung dati ko. hehe. FYI: concealer and face powder are the only cosmetics i apply on my face. and i don't wear 'em if they're not from MAC. yes am maarte. deal wit it! kaya nga ako prinsesa eh..
I'm listening to: Broken Sonnet
I'm feeling: giddy
My Craving:
my champsscribbled at 11:25 PM
my mom once told me that we have to undergo a series of failures before we attain the sweetest victory. and when we finally experience that, we'd know that all the hardships and failures were all worth it. "walang masarap na nde mahirap," so as the saying goes.
so to my dearest Onslaught who bravely fought tonight's most feared and anticipated battle, you did a great job! /no1 you will FOREVER be my CHAMPS. you still are victors in your own rights. after all, wit no pun intended, you put out a good fight. you gave it your best and a little bit more. that is more than enough. and although you didn't win, sa mata ng uber dami niyong fans *winks* panalo pa din kayo. i know na nde lang ako ang nag-iisip ng ganito. and am not saying all these because am Pau's girl or am your friend. eto kasi yung totoo. magaling kayo and you need no championship title to prove that. *beams*
To: BAM, JR, JOVEN, BARON, KID, JEPS, RICH, MAC & PAU - you guys are the bestest! /no1
special messages to (hope you get to read this guys):
KID: nde ko babawiin yung sinabi ko. galing galing mong monk. promise yan. wag na malungkot at wag sisihin ang sarili.
JEPS: bow. wala ako masabi. uber galing mong wiz. i know you know that. and you've proven it for the nth time tonight.
BARON: pinabilib mo ko. 'nuff said. *winks*
RICH: not meant to be talaga... hehehe. and it's not because am a jinx. bleah. ganyan lang siguro talaga. fmn! the best hunter. 2nd to s h a d y that is. and ohhh... you are the MOST determined guy i know.
MAC: ano ba yan macix, high school pa lang tayo pangarap ko na yang trophy niyo. LOL. wit my whole heart and wit the whole tabulas population as my witness, ikaw ang pinakamagaling na GM.
PAU: you need not earn me a trophy. you are my trophy! kalimutan mo na yung promise na yun. hehehe. magkamatayan man, i'll stick to my word, you ARE my champion. and i love you to the tiniest bit.
My Craving:
May 7th, 2005
the gift of atsiscribbled at 10:44 PM
my atsi can be a real pain in the ass. she's known to be the most "sumpungin" and "masungit" amongst our whole clan. and she can throw harsh words (even harsher than mine) when she's fuming mad. but today, i love her more than ever! this is how it happened:
me: magkano ipod?
atsi: ewan ko. bakit?
me: parang gusto ko eh...
atsi: sige, pag nakuha ko 'yun ipod ko through my credit card points, ibibigay ko sa'yo.
me: talaga yan ha?
atsi: oo nga.
weee. she can get really annoying but she's rich and she can buy my happiness. hahaha. kidding. everytime i want anything, lalambingin ko lang yan, bibilin niya na yun for me. she's lucky (and so am i) that she has a well-paying job she enjoys. FYI: saming magkakapatid, ako pinakamahirap. hehehe. uber yaman yan si atsi at si shobe. ako pulubi. sooobs. but am glad that atsi's generous and so are my mom and dad. hehehe. alam kasi nila na need ko lagi ng financial assistance. hahaha. so am really really really happy now. thanks mucho atsi.
OT: Mac's cousins BJ and Eng-Eng will be spending their summer vacation in Laguna. and last night, nakita ko si BJ kasi sinama sha ni Mac and Mikee sa Max. uber natuwa talaga ko nung makita ko sha. gawd how much he's grown! the last time i saw him he was sooo little pa lang. but last night, nde ko na sha nakilala. and he already has a girl. hehehe. big boy na talaga. haaay...how time flies. para tuloy antanda-tanda ko na. hehehe.
I'm watching: dexter's lab. :-P
My Craving:
May 8th, 2005
waiting...scribbled at 01:10 AM
am actually really sleepy. but Pau is somewhere in Greenhills attending some party wit his friends and i vowed not to sleep until he gets home. he's been telling me to sleep and not wait for him but of course i had to insist that i'll stay up for him. gawd...*yawns*
i realized that i can get really emotional at times. cranky to the point that i could flood Pau's mobile phone with gazillion text messages if he doesn't let me get what i want. but then again, i'm spoiled rotten when it comes to him so that's his fault really.
My Craving:
momsscribbled at 01:59 PM
that goes to all the moms in the world. and to those who have hearts like that of a real mother.
i especially would like to greet:
my mom - if i can be half the woman, friend, wife, mother and person she is, i would consider myself succesful.
Tita Alita - for bringing my one true love in this world and for being one of the best moms i know (hahaha. to be able to raise Pau, you really have to be one. )
my bestfriend - i know you'd be a good mother. congrats for the nth time. hehehe.
my Tita Den - who just gave birth to a bouncing cute lil baby girl not more than an hour ago. happy anniversary to you too.
Tita Debby - for the outstanding patience, understanding and love.
I'm watching: atsi & shobe's chess match
I'm feeling: comfy
My Craving:
May 11th, 2005
10,000 kisses & counting!scribbled at 12:39 AM
the title has got nothing to do wit the entry. it's just that that phrase makes me laugh my ass off my seat.  ask Pau for further details.
i seriously need to lose weight. and it's not just because of my inevitable swimming wit Onslaught plus some on Friday. it's just that even my dad who used to think am the nicest girl he's seen thinks am fat! sooobs. how shite is that? haaay.
why is everybody getting pregnant?! i know lotsa people who are pregnant. well, that's good news for some and really bad for the others (yeah i know, haha). but what i learned today shocked all the bones in me. Britney & Demi Moore & Jennifer Garner are pregnant!! how far along are them? that am not sure. but they are pregnant. wow! i had to say Demi's one hell of a lucky biatch. i sooo looove ashton. haha. can we like trade places for a day?
here are some pics:
above all these juicy hollywood gossips, this one shocked me the most. Katie + Tom = superb PDA couple
  now, she really is a LUCKY biatch. haha.
i was supposed to upload pixies of our last swimming (Dug's birthday) which was like a month ago but am just too damn lazy to do so. prolly the heat is the culprit. this intense heat is making everyone lethargic!
for some weird reason i don't wanna go to Bora anymore. a couple of months ago, i was so giddy to join the rest of the world to come visit and enjoy the wonderful Boracay. the thing is, it's not so wonderful anymore. it has lost its glamour. no silent escapades in Bora anymore. am starting to believe that it is much more polluted and chaotic than Manila (at least during summer). i still wanna hit the beach though. say Amanpulo or Pagudpud, Ilocos Norte. id prolly still go to Boracay. but if i'd be made to choose among our beaches, i'd take Amanpulo anytime! who wouldn't? because i want a summer escapade. a summer vacation away from everything that is Manila. and sadly, despite its white sand, fruit shakes and warm water, Boracay just ain't "it" anymore. but no, am not exploring the glamorous Amanpulo anytime soon. tough luck for me. no job=no money. haha. better luck next time to me.
as for now, ima content myself wit the fact that 3 days from now, ima hit some resort in Laguna wit my favorite guys in the world. this more than any summer getaways makes me all sooo giddy. guess it's a matter of WHO my companions are.
I'm feeling: shocked
My Craving:
May 12th, 2005
life and its great ways.scribbled at 05:24 PM
it's such a nice feeling to know that somebody wishes me well. well, except for Mac, who is nothing but supportive of me ever since forever. the thing is, i got this phone call yesterday from an old friend and midway through our conversation he said, "alam mo Millaine, masaya ko ngaun. kasi alam ko masaya ka. sana maging successful ka pa." it seriously touched my heart. it flatters me that even after 8 years of not having any form of contact wit me, this guy still remembers me. he even went out of his way to know my new landline number. i guess that's the exact reason why unlike those other callers, i did not hide from him. hehe. i have this habit kasi of screening my calls. but when the yaya mouthed his name before she handed me the cordless, i knew i had to take the call. so there. i just wanna say that i feel really peaceful now because i know that someone out there is praying for me. well, i know that Pau and my family's doing the same thing. but it's just an entirely different feeling to know that someone like him is rooting for my success. we're not even related for heaven's sake! and he sounded so sincere (and i know he is) when he told me that he's laughing along wit my happiness and dreaming my dreams...
i feel sooo light now. hehe. seriously, iba talaga yung feeling na alam ko that aside from Pau, there are still two people in the world who wishes me well and would love to see me happy. and it's not because we are romantically involved. haaay...
life and its great ways.
OT: am really happy that Uchenna & Joyce are the champs of Amazing Race 7. they were my bet ever since the race started. booyah!!
ohhh...am thinking of editing my layout. yes, Pau and Winnie, yet again!
I'm watching: Meteor Garden :-P
My Craving:
May 13th, 2005
Lupang Hinirangscribbled at 12:33 PM
i hate the president of this country! i cannot believe she tricked the "manggagawas" into believing that she raised their salary. the truth is, she did raise the minimum wage but she also raised the taxes. thus all the basic needs and all other products doubled their prices. so the salary increase would just be spent into paying those taxes. and remind me again, where do our taxes go? would you believe that the minimum fare for jeepneys costs P7.50?! that fcukin GMA! i swear to God and to all that is holy that as soon as i stepped into the media industry, the first thing on my to-do list is to kick her effin ass off her office!!! how could she expect the majority of this country to survive until she finishes her term when they could not even endure it for a day?
my mom, atsi and i were discussing the inflation rate of our country and then out of nowhere my atsi declared, "ma, umalis na kasi tayo dito sa Pilipinas! Pwede naman tayo umalis kung gugustuhin natin." my mom fell silent but i protested, "kung aalis kayo, umalis kayo. basta ako, dito lang ako!" "ganyan ka mag-isip kasi andito based ang work mo..." atsi shot back. she might be right but when i digested things, i realized that i'm just like my mom after all. we both don't like to leave the Philippines even if we can. even as a child, i never dreamt of living anywhere else but the Philippines. of course i was fascinated by my cousins stories about Disneyland and snow and spring but i was never envious of them for living in Canada or for being able to visit the US. but of course i also dream of visiting the US especially California, Las Vegas and Florida (who wouldn't like to marvel the beauty of Florida Keys?) but i don't wanna live there for good. i'd prolly go to the states to travel not to settle down. i'd rather stay here and help those who need my help. i have a big (and insane according to Pau) dream of helping this country. i want to be one of those people who'd make a difference. i seriously believe in Rizal's philosophy that the youth are the only ones this country could cling into. ano pang mangyayari sa Pilipinas kung aalis tayo lahat?
When Pau went to California for a vacation he never ceased to tell me about the wonderful things about the states - casinos in Las Vegas, the weather, how peaceful life is, the mountain topped with snows, the outlets (now this one might change my mind kidding), Beverly Hills, Hollywood Blvd, and all the others that slipped my mind. Thus he made up his mind. We're settling down in California. His mom is indirectly convincing me to agree with that set-up. She's always like, "ganyan din ako sa'yo nung dalaga pa ko, ayoko din umalis, pero pag may anak na kayo, magbabago din ang isip mo. Palubog na tayo." But i always tell Pau, "hopeless lang tayo kasi yun ang iniisip natin. dapat umisip tayo ng paraan kung paano tayo makakaalis sa hirap. hindi solusyon ang pagtakas." Pau and his family is sooo PRO-immigration. and i'm the only one stopping Pau from leaving. I made him a deal though. He'd let me stay here until i achieved my goals which include of course kicking Arroyo's ass off office and helping this country be more peaceful and progressive. after which, California here we come!
i think those Filipinos who leave the Philippines FOR GOOD without doing anything to try to eliminate poverty in their own little ways are selfish. kung dito na lang nagtatrabaho yung magagaling nating doctors and teachers, mas malaki pa pag-asa natin. tsk tsk. i understand na hindi nila kaya buhayin family nila sa liit ng sweldo at mahal ng bilihin dito sa Pilipinas. pero may pag-asa pa. hintayin niyo ako. hahaha.
maybe i'm still young and idealistic. but that doesn't mean i'm wrong and i can't do it. my wish? sana mas marami pang kabataan na nag-iisip tulad ko. i know we could make a difference. we just need to believe, give it our best shot and a little bit more.
i forgot to say, member ako ng Gabriela Youth!
ohhh...and another thing...Does anyone know what happened just two days ago in the White House? Pau called me kasi wee hour in the morning to tell me to watch CNN kasi may mga airplane ata na umiikot ikot sa White House. then si Bush daw wala na dun and naglalabasan na ata yung iba in a panic stupor. what's up with that? tinamad na kasi ako magbukas ng TV kasi uber sleepy na ko nun. i really should watch or read the news more often. shame on a journalist wanna-be. hehe.
I'm listening to: Normal Life
I'm feeling: contemplative
My Craving:
May 14th, 2005
weekend fun!scribbled at 11:47 PM
things i have learned after our little swimming:
- Baron is one thoughtful guy. Thanks again for the buko pie. But I guess it's time for you to know, I don't eat buko pie. Hehe. But I sooo much appreciated it. Ohhh...Baron sucks as a bartender. Just two shots of Gran Matador and his customers are already tipsy.
- Pau, Mac and Rich are lousy drinkers! Pau gets real tipsy he could barely walk; he almost slipped on the bathroom floor! Mac almost slipped on the pool tile (Hahaha!) and Rich mumbles nonsense things.
- Rich swims well. Talo ko sa bilis ng Butterfly Stroke!
- Mac can do hell loads of "frog splash" when drunk! Hehe.
- Kid has wonderful singing voice! Ala Gary V. He is also passionate and real real nice. One flaw: I found it sooo hard to take pictures of him. He'd turn around, duck, and cover his face everytime he sees me wit my camera phone. And ohhh...uber lakas niya uminom!
- Bam and Emman are guitar geniuses. Bow super. /no1 I was awe-struck when Emman strummed "Love Moves in Mysterious Ways." Galeng!
- Emman has a girlfriend! And she's real nice too.
- Jeps, for some weird reason, doesn't wanna get wet. It took Kid and his army to drag and throw Jeps to the pool! Hehe. But above his somewhat fear of being pool-wet , Jeps is shy and mysterious. He confirmed my first impression of him - he's really bait!
- Buboy is the certified "entertainment man." Always and forever.
- (Kuya) Eugene never sleeps. He could also do magic ala David Blaine!
- Carl (ize.t) is sentimental. Anyone up for Chicago?
- Pau, Ryan (Firesky) and Oliver (Xrozz) never ran out of "Ragnarok tales" to share with each other.
- Larry is Kid's number one contender as "The Videoke King."
- Toll fee from Southwoods exit to Calamba - P13.00
- Great Bay Resort (in Pansol, Laguna) has amazingly beautiful houses.
- 5 bottles of Gran Matador would surely knock out one's sanity.
- Tinapang bangus is yummy!
- I could work for Onslaught as their bartender and i'd surely enjoy every minute of it!
- If I become their bartender, I could count on Emman, Bam and Kid to be my regular performers. My bar (Yengski's bar) would be a sure hit!
- I am a frustrated photographer wanna-be and these guys are good subjects for my first attempt in photography.
- WOE is not limited in PRO. You sure can have sieges in resort bedrooms. your waterball? water from TOILET BOWLS! Haha!
- Boys will always be boys. 'nuff said.
- Onslaught members (well...at least these guys) are the kindest, sweetest, funniest and goofiest creatures alive!
- These boys (they should still be called boys despite their ages ) love to: have endless "chicken fights", splash their way to the pool, tease the hell out of each other, laugh, laugh and laugh and drink, drink and drink.
**********
I would really love to write about our swimming but there's just so much to tell I don't know where to begin. The things i listed above summarize everything.
I have yet to upload the pics of our swimming so you won't be seeing it in days time. Hehe. Give me like a week.
OT: I'm trying to text without the shortcuts. I've never been a fan of the text lingo but I used to shortcut some of my words (just the basic ones like "ka", "na", "pa", "ba", "later", "tomorrow" plus some others but from now on I will totally eradicate the shortcut system when writing text messages.
So there.
I had a fun weekend!
I'm listening to: sound of the a/c
I'm feeling: indescribable
My Craving:
May 15th, 2005
and I found myself envious...scribbled at 11:22 PM
I was never the envious kind. I am usually contented with what I have. But today, I felt something vile and deep creeping my veins. I am envious. I saw this young couple (prolly seventeen-ers) when I attended mass and they looked really cute. I've always had this dream of hearing the mass with the one I love. I believe going to church with your one true love and praying together means a lot. For me it's like you're bonded by something far greater than your love, lust, attraction and desire for each other. Unfortunately for me, I never had (and will never have) the chance to attend Catholic mass with Pau.
See, Pau is an Iglesia Ni Kristo follower. I was born and raised a Catholic. When Pau and I became an item and started to talk about our future together, I knew I have to leave Catholicism and join Pau and the rest of the Iglesia Ni Kristo population. I once had gone to "samba" with Pau and I fell asleep halway through the worship. I am not saying that their "samba" is boring and is not interesting for me. Prolly the weather and the place are the culprits. Or maybe I'm just not used with their worship style. And I could not catch up with the songs because I don't know them. I could not even join their responses. So I fell asleep. I told Pau about it and he reassured me with, "okay lang yun Be, ako din naman inantok eh." Then I never went to "samba" again. So every Sunday, Pau and I go to our different churches with different teachings.
I never cease to question why two people who truly love each other could not marry if they come from different religions. The world may have lots of religion but we only worship ONE God. So there's no point to say "no" to a nuptial between a Catholic and an Iglesia Ni Kristo or any other different religion for that matter. There were many times when I found myself wishing that some miracle would happen and the whole world would finally settle to just one religion. Then there would be no more war between Christians and Moslems; people would not be confused as to which religion is preaching the "truth"; all the nations would unite; and Pau and I can marry without giving our faith up! Then the world would be a much better place to live in.
Despite the fact that I've already readied myself into leaving Catholicism 5 years from now, I still have moments of hesitation. I just can't understand why Iglesia Ni Kristo has to declare war against Ang Dating Daan. Their pastors preach about humbling oneself, love for brothers and sisters, total surrender to God, and other virtues yet they don't seem to practice those values themselves. What a shame. I know I could not believe and follow a religion which does not practice what they preach. I have to admit that I also question some practices and traditions of Catholicism. Catholicism is not the perfect religion, I am willing to admit that anytime. It has its own share of flaws, even immoral acts but at least our priests acknowledge their mistakes and try to work things out. And I don't know. I just don't think it's right to abhor someone because he/she doesn't agree with your beliefs. But when I try to contemplate more, I realize that I'm having myself converted to Iglesia Ni Kristo not because of any other reasons but simply out of my deep love for Paulo. And for one, didn't God say that women should sumbit themselves to their men. So I will follow Pau. I know that that's what God wants me to do. And I know Pau will not lead me to the wrong path. I trust him completely. It's just that I can't stop being so thoughtful about so many things that I sometimes still question my being converted to other religion. But in the deepest recesses of my heart I know what I would do 5 years from now.
After this whole entry, I am still envious of the couple I saw earlier. It's really something more when you pray with the one you love. In my case, I still have to wait for years until I get to pray with Pau again. Because I'm still not ready to leave the religion I've grown to love and hate all through my years.
I'm feeling: envious
My Craving:
May 18th, 2005
quizzesssss!!!scribbled at 03:16 PM
 You are a Princess, accustomed to only thebest. Elegant and poised, you believe in High Standards, and like your standards to be met. You are gracious and kind, to those you find deserving; but woe betide anyone who does not meet your standards, you would dismiss them with a casual wave of your hand. Not only do you set high standards for others, you set them for yourself also, and sometimes find yourself struggling to meet them. Most of your life you have gained what you wanted, probably an only or youngest child, you put you first! However, saying that, you are not entirely self-centred, only you have learnt to put yourself first. When moved, you are capable of empathy and kindness, and would willingly do your best to help others; but your life so far has taught you, that you must come first. You are also well learned. At your best, you are kind, gracious, noble and focused; at your worst you are selfish, dismissive and stubborn. If you don't agree with something, you would nod your head graciously, and refuse to be swayed. You are special, and everyone should know that.
Are you a Princess, Enchantress, Faerie, Mermaid or Toad? (with pictures!)
brought to you by Quizilla Take the quiz: "What Brand of Clothing are You?"
 Juicy CoutureYou are fun and instyle. you are so cool! everyone loves you but you can be a bitch sometimes. You are a smart girl so use your brains wisely. you are pretty too.
I'm feeling: bored to death
My Craving:
nuninuninuscribbled at 05:35 PM
I can't think of a good title...
The result of my scholarship application just came. I got 50%. There was not a problem with my grades. The problem is with my parents' capacity to pay for my tuition. When I applied for scholarship, I had to answer this waiver and one of the questions was about my parents jobs. Of course I wrote that my dad is a plant engineer. I did not see that as a problem. After all I did not apply for scholarship because I can't afford school. I applied because I can. It was no biggie for my mom that I only got 50% off my tuition but my atsi was mad. Oh well, she's always mad naman. Hehe. Haay..I am really disappointed with the result of my scholarship application. I deserve a 100%.
But whatever. Graduate studies here I come!
Crap. I can't go out. It's raining hard. Screw this effin weather! I plan pa naman to visit every internet cafe in Taft to finally have the outing pictures transferred and uploaded. Our laptop's infra's busted kasi and Emman has yet to lend me his infra. But I want this done and over with asap kasi uber late na rin siya for the event. Haaay...so much for my plans. sobs.
Oh gotta go now. Ima design something for Emman pa. Later.
I'm watching: Meteor Garden
I'm feeling: pissed
My Craving:
May 19th, 2005
the star wars syndrome!scribbled at 08:23 PM
The people in our house have been blessed with new names. Courtesy of me of coursie. I call one of the yayas, R2D2; the other I call C-3P0; I call atsi YODA; my mom's OBI-WAN KENOBI; shobe is PRINCESS LEIA and shoti is LUKE SKYWALKER. Guess who am I? PADME AMIDALA of coursie! Pau's ANAKIN SKYWALKER!!! Ever since we arrived from Glorietta after watching Star Wars 3, I've been driving Pau crazy by calling him Anakin. He prolly thinks am hilarious and insane both at the same time. Then I proceeded with my little fantasy game. When the yaya gave me a glass of water I was like, "Oh thank you R2!" Haha! It's a game am willing to play forever.
I sooo much enjoyed the movie. It's awesome! Fantastico! What about it I especially liked? Padme's eyecandalicious outfit! She even looked beautiful in death. Natalie's costumes were simply...Amazing! If by any chance the designer auctioned it, I'll make sure I'd win the bidding. I like I like!
**********
Ohhh...I already uploaded Onslaught's outing pictures. click the link if you wanna see it (here --> Onslaught.
OT: After almost a year, I already claimed my Tater's-Chimara discount card. Weee! And after what felt like forever, I get to eat my favorite Tater's potato chips again. Double weee!
Guess that's it for now. Padme needs to rest now. Ta-ta!
I'm listening to: The Day You Said Goodnight - Hale
I'm feeling: uber happy
My Craving:
May 21st, 2005
Recapscribbled at 07:24 PM
Recap. I miss that word. Reminds me of high school teachers before they start a new lesson; they'd always be like, "okay, recap muna..." Nakakamiss din pala ang high school kahit papano...
Anyhoo...On to my own recap. Yesterday, I was awaken by a kiss. Yes, I felt like I was Sleeping Beauty! The kiss was from Pau of course. And surprise surprise! He bought me "tortillos na red" (that's how we call it!) And just so you guys know, addict ako dun!
Yesterday's highlights (except for the fairytale kiss of course!): playing boardgames with Pau and Shobe. And coloring my Cinderella coloring book with Pau. I think it's really something when you let go of your silliest, uber childish self and present it to the one you love most without the fear of being laughed at. Yesterday was not that much of a big day, but it was special. Because yesterday, I was little Buyigyig once again...playing with little Gian!
I'm listening to: sound of the a/c and mom's convo with shobe
I'm watching: atsi's silly dance moves!
I'm feeling: tired but okay. :-)
My Craving:
Pau's blog :-Pscribbled at 11:38 PM
Me: Be, gawan kita blog?
Pau: Ngek! bakit?
Me: Wala lang...Sige na ha? Magsulat ka dun ha?
Pau: Be, nadidiri ako isipin na ma diary ako...
Me: Sige na...Kahit di mo everyday update.
Pau: Ano ilalagay ko dun? "Hi! I had fun today...We played Ragnarok!"
Me: *laughs real hard but continued to talk him into blogging*
Pau: Okay. I will try my best na sumulat. TRY Be ha?
Me: Yey! *kissed Pau on the cheek*
--- after a few hours...
Me: Be, may blog ka na! Pero di ko pa naaayos template. Niregister pa lang kita. Happy ka ba?
Pau: Onaman! As in duh! Am so excited to post how I feel...*laughs*
He's being sarcastic while mimicing my kaartehan! I never cease to amaze Pau everytime I say stuffs like, "like duh!" "as in!" "o-m-g!" "as if!" etc. etc. Ask him about my other "famous uber arte" phrases. He actually memorized them! And he's ready to throw them at me when he feels like annoying me. Haha!
Anyhoo...Am really excited about the fact that Pau will be joining the blogging world anytime soon! I dunno why it was sooo easy to convince him really. Hmmm...Maybe he really likes to? Haha! Nah, he just wanna let me have it my way. He knows that him blogging would definitely make me happy so despite the fact that he's very reserved, private and a man of few words, he's gonna give it a shot! For people like me, on-line blogging is as easy as a plate of oreo cheesecake but for Pau and his kind, blogging takes hell loads of guts, time, words and energy. But then again, he knows i won't stop harassing him until he says, "yes Be, i definitely would love to blog!" Hehe!
Weee! Am really looking forward to Pau's blogging experiences. Can't wait to read his first entry. Prolly he'd rant about me forcing him into it.
Ima go now. Still have a blog template to design. Oohhh. Make that templateS. My Shobe's been pressuring me to make her one too! Haha!
Gotta scoot!
I'm listening to: sound of the a/c
I'm feeling: weee! :-D
My Craving:
May 23rd, 2005
it is up.scribbled at 09:20 PM
Pau's blog is already up and working! click here --> Be still doesn't have an entry though. Prolly tomorrow. Next would be my shobe's. These are the two reasons why I haven't been updating my own blog. I'm so busy designing theirs.
Later.
I'm watching: Charmed
My Craving:
May 24th, 2005
birthdaysscribbled at 09:16 PM
This is actually a little late for the event but hey it's the thought that count rights? My atsi turned 23 just yesterday and my buddy Winnie celebrated his 21st also yesterday. So in honor (naks!) of the most generous and suplada asti in the world and of the most "bolero" and "babaero" boy friend in the whole galaxy, here goes:
atsi and I
There were lotsa times when I wished you were not my atsi. But when I looked deeply in the sense of things, I know that in the deepest recesses of my heart I wouldn't want it any other way. You can be out of the line most of the time. But hey, I know that you're only looking out after your shobe, Buyigyig. I love you atsi. You're imperfect and all but you're ssimply the best! Happy birthday.
**********
Win (right) smiling for the camera with his two best buds Mac (left) and Pau (center)
You're the man Winnie! 'Nuff said. Ikaw ay isang babaero. Haha! Magbago ka na!!! Matanda ka na noh! I know you're gonna read this. Sorry late. Hehe. Don't worry, Anna won't be able to access this. Happy birthday Winnie!
I'm watching: telenovelas. :-P
I'm feeling: pleased
My Craving:
insanity-ville.scribbled at 11:42 PM
I dunno what's up with me. I just can't get over it. For the record, I already stopped hating anybody. That's just one of the things I need to do to keep my sanity. But it just keeps on coming back. It sneaks and stabs me on the back just when I am starting to make it history. And Pau will say, "it is HISTORY." Then I'd feel stupid and insane all over again. I KNOW it is history. But my heart (or whatever science says makes us feel) is just not registering that fact. It hurts. Not a lot like it was months ago. But it still does. Mac says the reason why I feel this way is because I am a veteran at making myself miserable when everything seems and is supposedly going well and good for me; for Pau and I. He might be right. After all he knows me far too well. But I wonder if he really knows me as much as he claims to, then why does he not know? Why can't he feel that something is still wrong? There's just something there that won't fit in my brain. I'm sorry but maybe my neurons are as stubborn as I am. And it's not because I'm forcing myself to feel low. Why the fcuk will I do that in the first place? And no Be, it's not because I want to argue with you for the nth time or I want to give myself a reason to hate you all over again. I dunno. But there's this hollow space that can't be filled no matter how hard I try. It's like I'm trying to fix the puzzle you jumbled but just when I was about to perfectly rig it, these thoughts would wreck the whole thing and I'm back to where I've started.
It's like a rollercoaster ride that just won't end no matter how hard I scream at the top of my lungs. It's welcome to "insanity-ville." It's like being poked in the heart when I'm still perfectly alive and well. It's enormous pain through and through.
I seriously would give anything and everything to finally forget. Except Pau of course. This pain is slowly eating my whole being. For the time being I was afraid that this enormous pain would swallow me whole and spit me back to life already numb and full of hatred. For the life of me, I just want to forget.
Can we just pick up to where we left off and erase everything that has come between us?
For the gazzilionth time I know you're sorry. I am too.
I'm feeling: crazed
My Craving:
May 26th, 2005
just a quickie.scribbled at 12:14 PM
I watched the season finale of The Contender last night. I was happy and sad both at the same time. Happy because Alfredo Gomez won bronze and sad because Peter Manfredo Jr. lost to Sergio Mora. Ohhh. I also like Sergio. It's just that I was really rooting for Peter to win. sighs. He looked hell devastated last night my heart cries out for him. I know he's doing it for his cute kid. awww. Well, Mora wanted to win because he never wants his mom to work for another day. But iono. Prolly my heart goes more to the kid than to the mom.
**********
I have three huge zits!!! The agony of it. Dammit.
Later.
I'm listening to: Just a Little Bit - 50 Cent
My Craving:
what now?scribbled at 09:10 PM
beep beep.
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Hi! Ur in our shortlist 4 d editorial asst position 4 pink mag. Pls email me a shrt writeup of y u want 2 wrk in pink (or in a mag) n anodr on ur fave store/brand by tom lunch. tnx!
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O-M-G.
I'm listening to: same ground
I'm feeling: lethargic
My Craving:
May 27th, 2005
quiz me baby!scribbled at 12:04 PM
I'm listening to: Fall To Pieces
My Craving:
May 28th, 2005
of everything in betweenscribbled at 05:40 PM
Pau asked me to do his English (yes, he still takes up English class) assignment for him. I promised to help him with his studies as much as I can but since Pau is an ECE soon to be, I can only be of help on his minor subjects such as English, Psychology, Philosophy and the likes. Then yesterday when Pau came home from school he was like, "Be, pinahamak mo ko..." I was like, "what?" Then he narrated how his English professor commended his writing skills. Too great he doubted it was Pau who wrote it! You know this theory about left and right brain? 'Nuff said. Anyhoo. Pau ranted how after endlessly questioning him if he "really" wrote the essay, his professor finally gave him the benefit of the doubt but started calling him "BEST WRITER." Haha! Number one writer eh Be? Pau was like, "panu yan Be pag on-the-spot writing na? Malalaman niya na hindi talaga magaling magsulat!" But I seriously think it's not a big deal anyhow. Okay. So maybe Pau is not that creative and there is no way he could match the essay I wrote but at least he COULD write. I know he'd impress his English professor with his own essays. All I can say: GO FOR THE GOLD BE!!!
**********
We went to Luneta yesterday! Pau said my shoti needs some fresh air because he spends his every day inside the condo watching his ever fave Barney and Spongebob the movie on DVD. My shoti (and his yaya!) had a blast in Luneta! It was the first time my shoti stepped, ran and played on grass. Gawd was he really amazed by the wide field, cats, dog and kite! We had fun! Super. I have to give it to Pau when it comes to being the best kuya my shobe and shoti ever had! They simply love him!
**********
I was at Max yesterday (after our Luneta trip) with Pau and my shobe. I was happy because Max ain't so boring anymore like it was few weeks ago. Uber dami na ulit tao and friends! Andun sina Tonton, Richie, Wys, Rowell (KID), Jay, Wey, Paul, Mac, Vea, Larry, Win, Jeps...Basta uber dami! Saya super! Sana laging ganun!
**********
It's my first day in graduate school today. My Contemporary History subject is superb. As in superb daming requirements! Errr. Three book reviews - 10-page analysis paper per book; one 15-page research paper; one oral and written report; and a final exam. Whew! I sooo love my other subject though. It's Seminar on Popculture class. It's like Broadcast Criticism kasi and I sooo enjoyed my Broadcast Criticism class in St. Scho.
**********
I already have a job! More about this after our meeting on Tuesday.
**********
Wow. This is my longest entry. Ever. So much to say kasi!
Later.
I'm feeling: stressed
My Craving:
May 30th, 2005
for the love of God.scribbled at 09:37 AM
I attended mass last night and sang along with the choir and the rest of the mass-goers who praise twice through singing (thank you very much St. Augustine! ).
I was struck by this particular line from "Sa'yo Lamang":
"aanhin pa ang kayamanan, luho at karangalan..."
I contemplated.
How true.
FYI: I once considered becoming a nun. Yeah I know. So out of my league. Oh well. I was lost once. And I did say CONSIDERED right?
**********
I think I'm dying of ulcer. My stomach hurts like hell.
I'm listening to: Thank You - Dido
I'm watching: myself crumble
I'm feeling: ouchie nth time.
My Craving:
May 31st, 2005
my dream job. well semi. :-Pscribbled at 06:36 PM
I am now a free-lance writer. *beams* I get to do what I've been dreaming ever since I was a kid (that is to write) and still own my time. Weee! The contract signing is not until this Friday.
I hope I still get that editorial assistant job in Pink mag. Para mas okay. May free-lance job na, may regular job pa!
Ohhh. I felt like I was part of the corporate world when I was in Makati with Pau awhile ago. He felt out of place. Haha! But you know working in Makati was never really appealing to me. Even when I was a kid and still conveniently planning my life, none of my plans include working in Makati and joining the corporate world. I am a media person by heart. Which means I prefer working in qc or in any other far off places. Hehe.
Buti being a free-lance writer does not require me to report to the office (which is in Makati) every day. I just go there anytime I feel the need to. No one expects me to stay in the office 8 hours a day.
Loving this life.
**********
I was the number one cheerleader of Suns when they won!!! Hehe. Galeng Steve Nash! But I like Ginobili too.
I'm watching: the news.
I'm feeling: greatest. ;-)
My Craving:
all about Pau eh? :-Pscribbled at 08:17 PM
After a long time, I get to visit Wella's blog again. She said in one of her entries that she noticed that all of my entries contain Pau's name. Hahaha! I'd rather not deny nor confirm that. Hahaha!!! Natawa talaga ko nung nabasa ko 'yun!
The thing is Pau is a big part of my life. And it's not only because of the fact that he's my boyfriend. Because he is a lot more than that. He is my shobe and shoti's favorite guy in the world. Except of course for our dad. He's my solace. He makes me laugh when I don't even want to smile. He's My BEST friend. My WORST enemy (except for myself). My big pillow. My partner. My dad. My big brother. He ceased being JUST my boyfriend years ago.
So there.
Hahaha! I just realized that I wrote an all-Pau entry again which would prove Wella's observation. But seriously Wella, if you have a guy like Pau in your life, you will never cease to blab about him - his flaws, good traits, addictions, prose and cons of having him. It's like a whole lifetime of blogging will never be enough to tell stories about him. Because he is too much. And it suits me just right.
I'm listening to: my shoti shouting "mama"
I'm watching: my shoti playing with the yayas
I'm feeling: funny
My Craving:
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